What I know Now

 

I’m sorry if I made you sad. I know that I did. That December night, when I let my feelings get the best of me, and how words are easier to say when you don’t have to say them to somebody’s face. And I know that with the cold, came my own storm and I should never have let it get to you. That spring you melted away from me like the snow, and it turned into months without talking. Through the mouth of someone else I heard you still cared, and that you worried about me. The truth was I still cared and worried about you as well. I still do. Finally I got over myself and reached to you and you reached back and I saw you again and the light was still there in your face and I now wonder how it all happened, and I know everyone else does too. In these situations people say things like, “I should’ve known,” but nobody did because you were so good at playing dress up, and using masks. You had us fooled. You said you were sorry, and I did too. I remember feeling warm every time you laughed, and feeling like somebody actually gave damn. You always gave a damn. You were the first person to make me feel like I was important, like my small being could be something worth life. That’s just who you were, what you did. I remember saying our goodbyes, and I turned to walk away but you quickly pulled me in for a hug. You squeezed me like we’d never see each other again.

I should have known.

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The art of love making

My eyes are closed as I take it in,
As I take you in.

Two hearts beat fast, and two body’s hold each other so close there’s no way to tell who’s limb belongs to who

We belong to each other

Hands running down spines and lips running up necks, landing on my lips

On your lips

I breathe in your scent so sweet I can taste the honey melting off of you. Two souls could never be so bound together But ours are like the sun and the moon

One couldn’t be without the other

And in moments like this where we are intimate and vulnerable, I know this is where we will spend forever.

I always thought i took after my mother, and I felt proud of that. But as my age gets older, and my brain gets wiser, I realize I’m a copy of my father. I manipulate those around me, and I scream in my head. I live in a tank of rage, always trying to grip the surface, but always drowning instead. 

Past Present Future

It’s not fair that she got all of your firsts to only stain them with blood

And it’s not fair that my mind plays tricks on me and allows me to believe that sometimes your first love isn’t supposed to be your last

But for me I know you’re my only love, and so I can’t imagine what would happen if you became her and I become you. And our first kiss turns to dust on my lips, while my throat burns with hate so strong that your name just sits inside longing to never come out