I’ve become this fragmented shell of a girl who used to draw constellations in her sleep. Now, she only haunts herself and walks aimlessly through the night.

my brain is dull and numbed out by prescriptions I can’t even pronounce. I don’t remember the last time I felt in control, but there was a day when I felt I could be something. Then they started playing with the serotonin levels in my head, the balancing act began. But I am not able to walk the tight rope they’ve laid out in front of me, so I find myself falling down deeper into this oh so familiar hole. The more prescriptions that are filled, the less there becomes of me.. 

I can’t think straight, which I’ve never been good at, but now the lines aren’t soft, they are blurred out completely. My ability to wake up feeling light and airy is gone, nothing tastes the same. Everything becomes stale. 

I long for the day I can feel free again. Even if the darkness still lumes over me, at least I’ll be able to look into the mirror and recognize my own reflection. 

My eyes will become liquid again, and my hands unclenched. Until then, I will take these drugs and swallow hard, fighting for the girl I used to be.


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